I had an important talk with my principal today. I've been trying to see him. Invited him out for a beer even, but noooooo, he had a "family to raise". Like that should take precedence?????
I've been carrying the weight of my department on my shoulders. Every "disappointment", I wear. Everything. If our percentage of failures in Algebra 1 edges up, it feel it eflects upon me, even though I don't teach Algebra 1. If a long-term sub isn't performing like Jaime Escalante it eats at my soul and I truly feel responsible. I feel like any data we collect is a measure of me. Intellectually I know how absurd and egotistical I am. Still....
Since becoming my department's Chair, I've been WAY overestimating my importance. Today I had a chance to talk with my principal and he helped.
He helped because he sees good. He can walk into a class and see a boring lecture and find the two engaged kids. He reminded me that for every disgruntled parent, there are 2600 others that are thankful for what we do. I think he sees good because he is good. My principal inspires me to see the good not just the "disappointing".
I've never been that guy. I'm the guy screaming because you are too lazy to use a turn signal. USE THE TURN SIGNAL IDIOT!! I'm the guy that gets angry when you bring your dog into the store. I'm the guy that forgets a student volunteers at the Library when I bark at her for being late to class. I'm the guy that sees the bad. I think that makes me bad. I'm tired of being bad. I want to be good. I want to see good.
My department is stuffed with good. And if I am in ANY way judged based upon their performance then I am stuffed with good. I am reminded that the best thing I can do as the department Chair, is be a great high school math teacher. If I inspire them with my effort, then all the better. I can't and won't wear every detail. I can't be that egotistical.